I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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