someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
