shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
