here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
