we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
