I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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