I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Text me some of your sweat
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
