I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
