I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
