please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
