you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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