I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
