apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
