i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize