It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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