two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
