I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
