I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
