i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
