DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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