Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
