If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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