Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
