You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
