I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
