I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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