Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she told me i tasted like america
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
