I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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