she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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