I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
