he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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