Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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