your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
