So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
