Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
