Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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