i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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