Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
