dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
