you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she peed on how many people?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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