Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize