I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
