better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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