Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
