bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
