You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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