someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
