Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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