i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
