i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
