Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
