Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
