a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So squirting runs in the family.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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