Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
