she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
