matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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