My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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