Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
