does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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