Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
