Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
3 2 1 whiskey
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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