There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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