Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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