i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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