Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't want my vagina anymore.