Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.