I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
