I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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